What People Actually Remember: Don't Play Gotcha
Article 6 in the Leadership in Real Life Series
Jennifer Youngblood
5/20/20261 min read
Don't play gotcha.
We've seen the leader who asks questions not to understand, but to catch someone off guard. To win. That moment in a meeting where the goal isn't progress. It's being right, or being smarter, or more powerful. There's that half-smirk on their face that tells you to watch your footing.
I worked with a senior leader who did this regularly. After a pointed moment, they'd wave it off: "Hey, I'm just teasing you." It never felt that way, whether you were receiving it or watching it.
We all learned quickly that if you didn't agree, you just didn't say anything at all.
By day three of one stretch of meetings, that leader walked in and said they were disappointed the team wasn't being truthful with them. I'm sure they would be shocked to this day to learn they had a reputation as a bully.
No one won that day.
This always plays out in front of a room. Because the point is the audience. Everyone notices, not just the person in the hotseat. And the team pays for it long after the leader moves on. Because the lesson learned was to be careful. Not thoughtful. Not contemplative. Just careful.
People stop contributing. They stop volunteering ideas. They stay quiet and safe.
You can't build someone up by constantly showing them where they're wrong.
Every leader I've deeply respected understood that. They weren't trying to win the moment. They were building the person in front of them.
The next time you find yourself forming a question while leading a meeting, pause for just a second.
Is this moving the work forward?
Or is it proving a point?
That answer matters more than the question you were about to ask.
Leadership in Real Life. What People Actually Remember: Don’t Play Gotcha
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